Today I sat down to do some serious contemplation on my capstone. I've been coasting with the class thus far, taking on various other projects in my life (getting together a publication for work, planning for a presentation at CAL in October, having a tankless hot water heater installed in my house, figuring out travel arrangements for the one class I'm taking in Emporia this semester, startup for a small business I opened with two friends, completing and submitting my PhD application...).
My incomplete from spring semester (for NLP, related to the certificate in human language technology related to my Linguistics MA).
I'm feeling like I have Capstone in the bag, because I've planned for this all along. I've posted on this blog more than 50 times over the last two years, mostly related to this program. I've saved every assignment, and written down my thoughts, and I'm surprised to find that I'm still having trouble finding a place to house my accomplishments in a way that I feel completes my mission in this program. I want my portfolio to have a minimalist feel while still showcasing my array of accomplishments. I'm also a little confused as to the direction that my portfolio should take, because many students seem to be orienting the work as a resume to promote themselves for employment. I'm already happily employed, so I'm using mine as a celebration of the past two years (and possibly a site that I could manipulate to fit future resume need). I'm guessing this will mean I should relate my works in the program to my job and future ambitions, but every time I think about my future ambitions, I get side tracked by the fact that my future career plans could alter drastically if I'm not accepted to the PhD program I have applied to. The way this works is as follows: I need to keep my student status to keep my job. I need the flexibility and financial support my current job provides to complete a PhD. Not getting into a PhD program means I lose my student status, my job, and the future opportunity to remain in school--onward to Plan B, which is to keep moving forward in the information professions.
Needless to say, orienting my portfolio to my future has given me pause lately, and has caused me to lose some sleep.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Life Goes On
Classes this semester went very well!
I got A's and A-'s for all 4 classes (digital collections, metadata, government resources, and project management). In 3 out of 4 classes, I came away especially pleased with an element of the class.
The project management class was the one that never really clicked for me; I understand the theory of project management and the reason that a structured approach is necessary, but I guess I don't understand the reason for a universal form that all project plans must take. Every industry and situation will demand different considerations, so doesn't it make sense that individual project plans will also be tailored to these unique needs?
In my government resources class, I wrote my final paper on the topic of government response and efforts to keep up with emergent web technologies. In the very near future, I plan to be researching the way that my research group at work can use emergent web technologies to their benefit, so this was an interesting start.
In my metadata class, I feel like I breezed through. I ended up having several discussions with classmates who were struggling with an assignment on XSLT; I have never actually used XSLT before, but it was very easy to pick up because I have designed my own CSS for various web projects and I do a decent amount of hobbyist programming. I was a little surprised that the class put so much emphasis on XSLT, because I think that trend was (mostly) in and out in the '90s, but I guess the principles for application remain. The one hitch had to do with an assignment on a crosswalk between Qualified Dublin Core (a metadata standard I know nothing about) and XML (which I am decently competent with). Students who I had helped understand XSLT helped me understand Qualified Dublin Core, for which I was very grateful.
In my digital collections class, I was involved in a group project which I am especially proud of: Artistic Reflections on Deepwater Horizon. We made a digital collection of artist responses to the Deepwater Horizon BP oil spill in the Gulf. I did the lion's share of the technical stuff, which sent me back to Linux (the software we used, Omeka, on runs on *nix-like OS). There were some very interesting problems encountered during the implementation, and I had to create some interesting and innovative technical workarounds. I also stepped outside my box by contacting some artists to ask permission to use their works on our site, and did a small part of the metadata. The artists were all very pleased to have their works involved, which was incredibly rewarding. I am currently trying to find new hosting for the site, and get a better domain name, to keep it running.
This fall I will be tackling a (personal record) 5 classes as I make the final sprint to the finish line on my MA and my MLS. For the MLS, I am taking Global Information Infrastructure, Web Design, Intro to Information Architecture, and Capstone. For my MA, I am taking User Centered Design. After these classes, I am done with my MLS, and I will only have to complete the comprehensive exam in the spring to complete my MA.
During this time, I am also trying to wrap up my incomplete in NLP and get my application for PhD together.
I got A's and A-'s for all 4 classes (digital collections, metadata, government resources, and project management). In 3 out of 4 classes, I came away especially pleased with an element of the class.
The project management class was the one that never really clicked for me; I understand the theory of project management and the reason that a structured approach is necessary, but I guess I don't understand the reason for a universal form that all project plans must take. Every industry and situation will demand different considerations, so doesn't it make sense that individual project plans will also be tailored to these unique needs?
In my government resources class, I wrote my final paper on the topic of government response and efforts to keep up with emergent web technologies. In the very near future, I plan to be researching the way that my research group at work can use emergent web technologies to their benefit, so this was an interesting start.
In my metadata class, I feel like I breezed through. I ended up having several discussions with classmates who were struggling with an assignment on XSLT; I have never actually used XSLT before, but it was very easy to pick up because I have designed my own CSS for various web projects and I do a decent amount of hobbyist programming. I was a little surprised that the class put so much emphasis on XSLT, because I think that trend was (mostly) in and out in the '90s, but I guess the principles for application remain. The one hitch had to do with an assignment on a crosswalk between Qualified Dublin Core (a metadata standard I know nothing about) and XML (which I am decently competent with). Students who I had helped understand XSLT helped me understand Qualified Dublin Core, for which I was very grateful.
In my digital collections class, I was involved in a group project which I am especially proud of: Artistic Reflections on Deepwater Horizon. We made a digital collection of artist responses to the Deepwater Horizon BP oil spill in the Gulf. I did the lion's share of the technical stuff, which sent me back to Linux (the software we used, Omeka, on runs on *nix-like OS). There were some very interesting problems encountered during the implementation, and I had to create some interesting and innovative technical workarounds. I also stepped outside my box by contacting some artists to ask permission to use their works on our site, and did a small part of the metadata. The artists were all very pleased to have their works involved, which was incredibly rewarding. I am currently trying to find new hosting for the site, and get a better domain name, to keep it running.
This fall I will be tackling a (personal record) 5 classes as I make the final sprint to the finish line on my MA and my MLS. For the MLS, I am taking Global Information Infrastructure, Web Design, Intro to Information Architecture, and Capstone. For my MA, I am taking User Centered Design. After these classes, I am done with my MLS, and I will only have to complete the comprehensive exam in the spring to complete my MA.
During this time, I am also trying to wrap up my incomplete in NLP and get my application for PhD together.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Classes old, classes new
We've started a new semester, but the last one won't let go.
I ended up taking an incomplete in NLP after the realization that I just wasn't going to finish some homework assignments on time. I actually showed up and took the final for that class after finding out that I had received A's on the two previous finals, but decided to take it a second time after an offer from the professor. I didn't get to read the final chapter of the text for the class because my husbands health had taken another twist.
After he went off the prednisone in late April, he developed stomach ulcers, and then started to break out with severe acne on his face. His gastroenterologist wasn't able to get him in for several weeks to confirm the stomach ulcers, leading to us worrying for that time that it could be something much more sinister (thanks again, Doc). His dermatologist is currently trying to figure out what, if anything, can be done for the acne--antibiotics are assumed out because my husband is still immunosuppressed, and peels or other chemicals could just do more damage by exposing more delicate skin that isn't protected by an immune system. For the time being, my husband has been put back on the pred to control the swelling, and has had to start percocet just to sleep through the pain from the acne and ulcers. There were quite a few sleepless nights when he was getting back up with nausea, and he has now reverted to having night terrors some nights--he hasn't had this problem since he was ten. It's a very frightening experience for your spouse to wake up in the middle of the night, suddenly babbling nonsense and screaming your name.
So, for NLP I still need to retake the final and turn in some homeworks. I made and A- in my MLS management class, and an A in database design.
My professor for database design actually paid me a huge compliment by asking to keep my database case study analysis paper as an example for the summer class. She commented that it was one of the best papers she had encountered for that particular assignment because I had made a connection between a discussion in 801 about the Patriot Act and how it directly affected the design of library databases (some libraries have deliberately removed the ability of their databases to store patron records, thereby permanently preserving patrons' privacy for better or worse). This compliment was huge for me, because it solidified my belief that I am very good at understanding and developing databases. I felt like I breezed through the curriculum for that class, but I know that some classmates struggled; I'm feeling very secure in my belief that I am meant to build these systems better than they are now.
Starting the new semester, I'm taking classes this summer on digital collections, government documents, metadata, and project management. Most of the classes are looking pretty good--I'm just hoping I can keep up with 4 different discussion boards.
Emotionally, I guess I'm feeling a little broken lately. I can keep going with things, but I feel worn down, like I've burst my seems from swallowing so much stress, and I can't hold anything else now because it all just runs out of me. When I got in for my physical this year (usually I do them in January, but this year not until May for having to take care of my husband), my doctor told me that my blood pressure is high. I'm fighting the good fight to get my weight back in line and my blood pressure down, and even though I feel numb on the inside, I know that everything I have worked so hard for up to this point is very important to me. Even if I don't feel it now, I know I will once things have recovered.
I ended up taking an incomplete in NLP after the realization that I just wasn't going to finish some homework assignments on time. I actually showed up and took the final for that class after finding out that I had received A's on the two previous finals, but decided to take it a second time after an offer from the professor. I didn't get to read the final chapter of the text for the class because my husbands health had taken another twist.
After he went off the prednisone in late April, he developed stomach ulcers, and then started to break out with severe acne on his face. His gastroenterologist wasn't able to get him in for several weeks to confirm the stomach ulcers, leading to us worrying for that time that it could be something much more sinister (thanks again, Doc). His dermatologist is currently trying to figure out what, if anything, can be done for the acne--antibiotics are assumed out because my husband is still immunosuppressed, and peels or other chemicals could just do more damage by exposing more delicate skin that isn't protected by an immune system. For the time being, my husband has been put back on the pred to control the swelling, and has had to start percocet just to sleep through the pain from the acne and ulcers. There were quite a few sleepless nights when he was getting back up with nausea, and he has now reverted to having night terrors some nights--he hasn't had this problem since he was ten. It's a very frightening experience for your spouse to wake up in the middle of the night, suddenly babbling nonsense and screaming your name.
So, for NLP I still need to retake the final and turn in some homeworks. I made and A- in my MLS management class, and an A in database design.
My professor for database design actually paid me a huge compliment by asking to keep my database case study analysis paper as an example for the summer class. She commented that it was one of the best papers she had encountered for that particular assignment because I had made a connection between a discussion in 801 about the Patriot Act and how it directly affected the design of library databases (some libraries have deliberately removed the ability of their databases to store patron records, thereby permanently preserving patrons' privacy for better or worse). This compliment was huge for me, because it solidified my belief that I am very good at understanding and developing databases. I felt like I breezed through the curriculum for that class, but I know that some classmates struggled; I'm feeling very secure in my belief that I am meant to build these systems better than they are now.
Starting the new semester, I'm taking classes this summer on digital collections, government documents, metadata, and project management. Most of the classes are looking pretty good--I'm just hoping I can keep up with 4 different discussion boards.
Emotionally, I guess I'm feeling a little broken lately. I can keep going with things, but I feel worn down, like I've burst my seems from swallowing so much stress, and I can't hold anything else now because it all just runs out of me. When I got in for my physical this year (usually I do them in January, but this year not until May for having to take care of my husband), my doctor told me that my blood pressure is high. I'm fighting the good fight to get my weight back in line and my blood pressure down, and even though I feel numb on the inside, I know that everything I have worked so hard for up to this point is very important to me. Even if I don't feel it now, I know I will once things have recovered.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Surviving
The Remicade, so far, has worked. He's now set up to be on treatment for the next year, and will be without his immune system response until they ween him off. Between the prednisone and Remicade, he's now gained a lot of weight back that he lost (and then some).
I'm experiencing the war of the brain hemispheres as part of me thinks this treatment is really scientifically interesting and miraculous, and the other half is scared to death that any small knick or cut could become infected and kill him. My relationships with family and friends are in flux right now, as some people seem to think this terrifying incident should have scared me into having a baby and "getting my priorities in order."
No baby--not for many years, anyways (I apologize to anyone who thinks my priorities are wrong on this one, but hey, it's my life). I am getting my priorities in order. Through all of this, I found myself coming back to my research passions; I want a PhD so I can do research for a living. I want to make systems better for other people who want to do research, and I want to make computers easier for humans to understand and use, because they are an amazing resource when properly utilized. I want to do research in semantic web and user-centered design. And I want to spend more time with my husband--we're going to go on more vacations now. I'm going out of town on business with him in a few weeks, and we'll spend the weekend together; we have plans to go camping at the sand dunes, and we want to plan a trip to Japan soon (this is huge, because I have mourned my loss of international travel since marrying a man scared to go to Canada). We're talking about going to the Grand Canyon, which is a place neither of us has ever been.
I had a midterm in NLP today. I think I did okay, but I'm not 100% sure. The professor asked me about my husband after class, which was nice; all of my professor have been very understanding this semester. I feel like I'm pulling myself out of quicksand with everything I've fallen behind on, but I'm finally making deadlines again. What a semester for this to happen in, when I decide that I'm going to try for a PhD and trying to make good impressions and network with other researchers.
I'm told my group took a dive with our group project in 805; I've had a rainbow of reactions to this, ranging from apathy to outrage. I got a little rattled when one of my group members took issue with the grade; I have a friendship spanning the whole programming with this group member because we've survived some bad group projects together. So when I found out (from my friend) that the grade on the assignment was low, I took her side. Then I read the comments we had received, and asked around with a few classmates, and reflected for a couple of days on the fact that I barely remember the assignment and presentation because I was living in hospitals and doctors offices for most of February. I otherwise trust my professor, so I was willing to admit that the professor's judgment was probably clearer than mine, and that the project could have been better. I'm not proud of the grade, but I do believe it's fair; I was unable to put in 100% this semester and it showed, and I feel guilty for it.
I will do better. I want to learn, and I feel somewhat despondent that I failed in my responsibilities as a student this semester. I am determined to follow up on this assignment after the semester ends, because I do want to learn.
The whole situation has been a little weird for me because I feel intensely loyal to my friend and group mate, but I've hit an awkward part of my education where I feel like I identify more with my professors than with my fellow students. I've taken classes for my Linguistics program where the class is taught by a friend or fellow student, and I guess I've come to put a lot of trust into my professors and the academic system as a fair and unbiased entity--you leave your personal relationships at the door when you enter a student/teacher frame in a classroom. Criticism is meant to be constructive, not personal. I kind of feel for professors I take classes from where it's their first time teaching at a new school, a new curriculum, or any first, because students sometimes don't seem to grasp that teachers are mortals, too. They have families and lives, and they want to be good at what they do just like anyone else.
I'm hoping I make it out of this semester with my GPA intact. I'm decently certain this won't be an issue with my MLS classes, but NLP is a class that would have been challenging on a good semester. I haven't had any of my grades back yet, so I'm not sure how I'm doing. I am making an appointment to meet with the professor, and hoping I haven't done too badly in his class so far--I would like to work with him in the future, because he's kind of a big name in the field. There's a lot I could learn from him if he's willing to mentor me through my PhD.
I'm experiencing the war of the brain hemispheres as part of me thinks this treatment is really scientifically interesting and miraculous, and the other half is scared to death that any small knick or cut could become infected and kill him. My relationships with family and friends are in flux right now, as some people seem to think this terrifying incident should have scared me into having a baby and "getting my priorities in order."
No baby--not for many years, anyways (I apologize to anyone who thinks my priorities are wrong on this one, but hey, it's my life). I am getting my priorities in order. Through all of this, I found myself coming back to my research passions; I want a PhD so I can do research for a living. I want to make systems better for other people who want to do research, and I want to make computers easier for humans to understand and use, because they are an amazing resource when properly utilized. I want to do research in semantic web and user-centered design. And I want to spend more time with my husband--we're going to go on more vacations now. I'm going out of town on business with him in a few weeks, and we'll spend the weekend together; we have plans to go camping at the sand dunes, and we want to plan a trip to Japan soon (this is huge, because I have mourned my loss of international travel since marrying a man scared to go to Canada). We're talking about going to the Grand Canyon, which is a place neither of us has ever been.
I had a midterm in NLP today. I think I did okay, but I'm not 100% sure. The professor asked me about my husband after class, which was nice; all of my professor have been very understanding this semester. I feel like I'm pulling myself out of quicksand with everything I've fallen behind on, but I'm finally making deadlines again. What a semester for this to happen in, when I decide that I'm going to try for a PhD and trying to make good impressions and network with other researchers.
I'm told my group took a dive with our group project in 805; I've had a rainbow of reactions to this, ranging from apathy to outrage. I got a little rattled when one of my group members took issue with the grade; I have a friendship spanning the whole programming with this group member because we've survived some bad group projects together. So when I found out (from my friend) that the grade on the assignment was low, I took her side. Then I read the comments we had received, and asked around with a few classmates, and reflected for a couple of days on the fact that I barely remember the assignment and presentation because I was living in hospitals and doctors offices for most of February. I otherwise trust my professor, so I was willing to admit that the professor's judgment was probably clearer than mine, and that the project could have been better. I'm not proud of the grade, but I do believe it's fair; I was unable to put in 100% this semester and it showed, and I feel guilty for it.
I will do better. I want to learn, and I feel somewhat despondent that I failed in my responsibilities as a student this semester. I am determined to follow up on this assignment after the semester ends, because I do want to learn.
The whole situation has been a little weird for me because I feel intensely loyal to my friend and group mate, but I've hit an awkward part of my education where I feel like I identify more with my professors than with my fellow students. I've taken classes for my Linguistics program where the class is taught by a friend or fellow student, and I guess I've come to put a lot of trust into my professors and the academic system as a fair and unbiased entity--you leave your personal relationships at the door when you enter a student/teacher frame in a classroom. Criticism is meant to be constructive, not personal. I kind of feel for professors I take classes from where it's their first time teaching at a new school, a new curriculum, or any first, because students sometimes don't seem to grasp that teachers are mortals, too. They have families and lives, and they want to be good at what they do just like anyone else.
I'm hoping I make it out of this semester with my GPA intact. I'm decently certain this won't be an issue with my MLS classes, but NLP is a class that would have been challenging on a good semester. I haven't had any of my grades back yet, so I'm not sure how I'm doing. I am making an appointment to meet with the professor, and hoping I haven't done too badly in his class so far--I would like to work with him in the future, because he's kind of a big name in the field. There's a lot I could learn from him if he's willing to mentor me through my PhD.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Life in the Handbasket
This semester started with a bad feeling; I wanted to take the copyright class through my MLS program, but as it turned out, the expectations for that class were very high and I decided it might not be wise to pursue both that class and my Natural Language Processing class for my MA at the same time.
It's kind of a bummer because I'm finding the copyright class could have done me some good at work over the last few months, but a good call none the less because this semester has gone to hell in a handbasket.
One of the reasons I decided not to push my luck this semester was because my husband was showing signs at the end of December that he was having problems with a chronic autoimmune disorder he has battled in the past. He has ulcerative colitis, a condition where his body attacks his colon; his last problem with this disorder was when we were seniors in high school in 2003. That time, it got so bad that his digestive system shut down completely and he lost a third of his body weight, finally getting down to around 100 pounds at 6' 2" tall.
I don't mind saying here that when we were teenagers and this happened, I was terrified. I honestly thought he was going to die before graduating, because he had lost so much weight and was so severely ill. They had to put him on prednisone (a corticosteroid), and they were talking about having to remove his colon entirely. The prednisone kicked in just as major abdominal surgery was put on the table, but I have never forgotten the way he looked when he was that sick. He looked like he had just walked out of a Nazi death camp picture in my history book from school. My husband did recover, but that fear is still very much alive in me.
So when he started having problems in January, he went into his doctor. They started treatment, but everything eventually failed, and at under 130 pounds, with severe dehydration, diarrhea, nausea, bleeding ulcers in his digestive tract, and stomach pain, he was admitted to the hospital on February 19. This time, they had started the prednisone early hoping to head the disorder off by suppressing his immune system, but it failed. He was admitted because the prednisone wasn't working. On February 20, they determined the reason the prednisone wasn't working was because a bacterial infection, C. Diff, had moved in on him in his weakened state, and they started him on vancomycin and put him in hospital quarantine, and kept him until the 21st to be sure his dehydration and weight improved.
One weak later, on the 28th, we had to come back in because he lost 15 pounds in one week to under 120 pounds. He had all the symptoms as before, and some of them worse than the first time into the hospital. Yesterday they determined that he had managed to get rid of the C. Diff infection, but the colitis has gotten much worse. They are putting him on Remicade, which is another immunosupressant, to stop his body from attacking itself. This one will essentially strip him of his ability to protect himself, because his immune response will be completely disarmed.
If he gets any kind of infection while on this medication, it could kill him.
Where is school in this mess right now? I really don't care, and I really don't mind saying that I don't care. My NLP class records the lectures, and the professor has given me permission to not attend the physical lectures for that reason. I asked permission to skip discussion board posting for my management class (805) for my MLS and redo them later; I haven't really felt like the postings have accomplished much for me this semester other than being busywork, so they were one of the first things I cut. I informed my database class instructor of the situation, but so far my work for that class has been unaffected as it is very reasonable.
I feel immensely guilty for my group project members in 805; though they have assured me I'm doing a fine job as a group member, I feel like I haven't been with them as much as I should have mentally. I feel a similar obligation to my colleagues at work, and while they have also been very accommodating, I am now missing deadlines I had promised to keep prior. I feel guilty for taking time away from my husband every time I have to go to work and school, because he is on a serious course of treatment now and we're both a little terrified that he could still end up emaciated, sick as a dog, and having to go in to major abdominal surgery in such a state.
This semester sucks. And what really sucks is that beyond not wanting to disappoint the great people I work and school with, my job is a student position--I have to keep my grades up, or I lose my job and risk probation or rejection at school. Truth be told, I am really liking work right now, and I take some solace in being able to get in my zone with my EndNote and ontology projects because they are something I can control in my life right now; they're real research, making a real difference, while I'm feeling frustrated putting so much effort into the management class for my MLS, which I just really don't feel that passionate about. It feels very driven towards a traditional library setting, which isn't my goal (right now at least--I suppose it could be in the future). What I am passionate about is my job, and then I feel super guilty for looking forward to the mental escape that work provides, because while I'm there and recharging, my husband is still in the hospital having to get morphine injections to deal with his stomach pain.
All I can ask at this point is that I pass this semester; I'm hardly putting in the effort to stay afloat right now, and I will be happy, even if I only get okay grades. All I want is for my husband to get better and come home. We just got our first letter from our insurance company claiming that they do not believe his first 3 day hospital stay was a medical necessity, so they are only going to pay for 1 day (unless we appeal the decision, which we will do, because it's utter crap to say it wasn't medically necessary).
But I am hanging on, and doing what I can, and that's all I can do at this point.
This too shall pass.
It's kind of a bummer because I'm finding the copyright class could have done me some good at work over the last few months, but a good call none the less because this semester has gone to hell in a handbasket.
One of the reasons I decided not to push my luck this semester was because my husband was showing signs at the end of December that he was having problems with a chronic autoimmune disorder he has battled in the past. He has ulcerative colitis, a condition where his body attacks his colon; his last problem with this disorder was when we were seniors in high school in 2003. That time, it got so bad that his digestive system shut down completely and he lost a third of his body weight, finally getting down to around 100 pounds at 6' 2" tall.
I don't mind saying here that when we were teenagers and this happened, I was terrified. I honestly thought he was going to die before graduating, because he had lost so much weight and was so severely ill. They had to put him on prednisone (a corticosteroid), and they were talking about having to remove his colon entirely. The prednisone kicked in just as major abdominal surgery was put on the table, but I have never forgotten the way he looked when he was that sick. He looked like he had just walked out of a Nazi death camp picture in my history book from school. My husband did recover, but that fear is still very much alive in me.
So when he started having problems in January, he went into his doctor. They started treatment, but everything eventually failed, and at under 130 pounds, with severe dehydration, diarrhea, nausea, bleeding ulcers in his digestive tract, and stomach pain, he was admitted to the hospital on February 19. This time, they had started the prednisone early hoping to head the disorder off by suppressing his immune system, but it failed. He was admitted because the prednisone wasn't working. On February 20, they determined the reason the prednisone wasn't working was because a bacterial infection, C. Diff, had moved in on him in his weakened state, and they started him on vancomycin and put him in hospital quarantine, and kept him until the 21st to be sure his dehydration and weight improved.
One weak later, on the 28th, we had to come back in because he lost 15 pounds in one week to under 120 pounds. He had all the symptoms as before, and some of them worse than the first time into the hospital. Yesterday they determined that he had managed to get rid of the C. Diff infection, but the colitis has gotten much worse. They are putting him on Remicade, which is another immunosupressant, to stop his body from attacking itself. This one will essentially strip him of his ability to protect himself, because his immune response will be completely disarmed.
If he gets any kind of infection while on this medication, it could kill him.
Where is school in this mess right now? I really don't care, and I really don't mind saying that I don't care. My NLP class records the lectures, and the professor has given me permission to not attend the physical lectures for that reason. I asked permission to skip discussion board posting for my management class (805) for my MLS and redo them later; I haven't really felt like the postings have accomplished much for me this semester other than being busywork, so they were one of the first things I cut. I informed my database class instructor of the situation, but so far my work for that class has been unaffected as it is very reasonable.
I feel immensely guilty for my group project members in 805; though they have assured me I'm doing a fine job as a group member, I feel like I haven't been with them as much as I should have mentally. I feel a similar obligation to my colleagues at work, and while they have also been very accommodating, I am now missing deadlines I had promised to keep prior. I feel guilty for taking time away from my husband every time I have to go to work and school, because he is on a serious course of treatment now and we're both a little terrified that he could still end up emaciated, sick as a dog, and having to go in to major abdominal surgery in such a state.
This semester sucks. And what really sucks is that beyond not wanting to disappoint the great people I work and school with, my job is a student position--I have to keep my grades up, or I lose my job and risk probation or rejection at school. Truth be told, I am really liking work right now, and I take some solace in being able to get in my zone with my EndNote and ontology projects because they are something I can control in my life right now; they're real research, making a real difference, while I'm feeling frustrated putting so much effort into the management class for my MLS, which I just really don't feel that passionate about. It feels very driven towards a traditional library setting, which isn't my goal (right now at least--I suppose it could be in the future). What I am passionate about is my job, and then I feel super guilty for looking forward to the mental escape that work provides, because while I'm there and recharging, my husband is still in the hospital having to get morphine injections to deal with his stomach pain.
All I can ask at this point is that I pass this semester; I'm hardly putting in the effort to stay afloat right now, and I will be happy, even if I only get okay grades. All I want is for my husband to get better and come home. We just got our first letter from our insurance company claiming that they do not believe his first 3 day hospital stay was a medical necessity, so they are only going to pay for 1 day (unless we appeal the decision, which we will do, because it's utter crap to say it wasn't medically necessary).
But I am hanging on, and doing what I can, and that's all I can do at this point.
This too shall pass.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Start of the new semester
This week marked the official beginning of the 2010 spring semester.
For my MA in Linguistics, I'm taking a class in Natural Language Processing this semester. I've wanted to take this class since I was an undergrad, but always hit administrative red tape trying to take it in the past (i.e., needed a prerequisite, needed to be a Comp Sci major to receive first consideration, needed to be a graduate student...). Now I'm finally in, and I think I'm going to rock this class. I've been ready for years.
For the MA, I'm officially only one class and the comprehensive exam away from completion, but I might stick it out for a couple more classes to get a certificate in Human Language Technology. Why not?
For my MLS, I've got three classes lined up: one that looks at Copyright, one that looks at Database Solutions, and the required theory class on Organization Theories for Administering Information Agencies. I'm halfway done with this degree, and officially have the money saved to pay for the rest of the program (go me!).
I'm anxiously debating a big decision in my life; I'm considering going for the PhD. Normally I never would have done a PhD for 2 reasons: the first is that there are excruciatingly few jobs out there that provide the flexibility to have a job and go to school even part-time, and the second is tuition. Even though I have definite research goals and interests, I never thought I would have the time or money to pursue anything after my Master's degrees. However, an opportunity has opened up at my work where they have said they may be able to provide me both the flexibility and tuition reimbursement--it's not a sure thing, but if the offer is open when I get there, how could I pass up that opportunity?
The work is fantastic. I'm doing work with websites, managing library materials between the office and the library, creating a comprehensive bibliography, and I'm about to start work on an project creating triples for Resource Description Frameworks. For my library buddies who don't know what those are (it's okay--I have now explained this to my husband, parents, and siblings, all of whom I'm pretty sure think it's cool even if they don't get the total awesomeness of the possibilities), RDF is a sort of metadata model. It establishes relationships between words to create statements that a computer can understand. It's about subject-predicate-object relationships, like "A bridge (subject) crosses over (predicate) a river (object)." It's easy for humans to understand these sorts of concepts, like the inherent idea that bridges cross over things, but the framework allows the computer to understand. This kind of structure is very relevant to the up and coming semantic web, among other information organization tools and structures.
Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking back to where I was this time last year. I was sick as a dog, and missed orientation for my MLS because of it. I was fed up with the lack of jobs for someone as educated as I was, and with my skill set, and decided I was really done with seeking a job in computational linguistics--there were no jobs to be had anymore because of the economy, and the last job I had was so geared towards the technical aspect that I had started to think of my cube at work like a sort of lonely coffin. When I first got into my MLS, I thought I was making a decision to leave my tech and linguistic skills behind career-wise; I was ready to take my background somewhere where I could help people, and understand them on a less superficial level. I still wanted to make sense of chaos and create systems to get people to there search goals faster, like I was doing with computational linguistics, but I wanted to deal with people. I thought maybe I would have some job prospects designing databases if I ever wanted the money, but really, it was about creating systems for people, and finding things for people, and understanding people.
Then, when I started into my MLS, every professor I spoke to had an incredibly affirming message for me: I wasn't the first linguist or tech junkie to take an interest in library science. Yes, my skills and background were welcome and appreciated, and yes, there were jobs with people here! Then, around March, a job opening came through the grapevine on my school email for a librarian with a background with computer skills. When I went to the interview, I found out that the interviewer was very interested in my linguistics background, because even though they were a geography discipline looking for a library tech, they were doing research in ontologies.
I thought I was getting punked--there are jobs for people with programming skills, who majored in linguistics, and who want to go in to library and information science?
But here I am today, happily plugging away at putting references into my bibliography, doing some light library duties, figuring out some interesting problems related to ADA and the web, and about to start into work on RDFs, which is the perfect intersection of linguistics, technology, and information science. What a change a year can make.
My husband is afraid I'll be in school forever; he's planning to start his own Master's this fall. People keep asking me how I'm keeping it together doing so much school and so much work every week, but the truth is that I've hit a point where I truly enjoy the things I'm doing. It doesn't feel like work to me. I haven't done laundry or chores in almost too long, and I finally got around to buying groceries for the first time in 3 weeks last night, but things are roughly holding together.
For my MA in Linguistics, I'm taking a class in Natural Language Processing this semester. I've wanted to take this class since I was an undergrad, but always hit administrative red tape trying to take it in the past (i.e., needed a prerequisite, needed to be a Comp Sci major to receive first consideration, needed to be a graduate student...). Now I'm finally in, and I think I'm going to rock this class. I've been ready for years.
For the MA, I'm officially only one class and the comprehensive exam away from completion, but I might stick it out for a couple more classes to get a certificate in Human Language Technology. Why not?
For my MLS, I've got three classes lined up: one that looks at Copyright, one that looks at Database Solutions, and the required theory class on Organization Theories for Administering Information Agencies. I'm halfway done with this degree, and officially have the money saved to pay for the rest of the program (go me!).
I'm anxiously debating a big decision in my life; I'm considering going for the PhD. Normally I never would have done a PhD for 2 reasons: the first is that there are excruciatingly few jobs out there that provide the flexibility to have a job and go to school even part-time, and the second is tuition. Even though I have definite research goals and interests, I never thought I would have the time or money to pursue anything after my Master's degrees. However, an opportunity has opened up at my work where they have said they may be able to provide me both the flexibility and tuition reimbursement--it's not a sure thing, but if the offer is open when I get there, how could I pass up that opportunity?
The work is fantastic. I'm doing work with websites, managing library materials between the office and the library, creating a comprehensive bibliography, and I'm about to start work on an project creating triples for Resource Description Frameworks. For my library buddies who don't know what those are (it's okay--I have now explained this to my husband, parents, and siblings, all of whom I'm pretty sure think it's cool even if they don't get the total awesomeness of the possibilities), RDF is a sort of metadata model. It establishes relationships between words to create statements that a computer can understand. It's about subject-predicate-object relationships, like "A bridge (subject) crosses over (predicate) a river (object)." It's easy for humans to understand these sorts of concepts, like the inherent idea that bridges cross over things, but the framework allows the computer to understand. This kind of structure is very relevant to the up and coming semantic web, among other information organization tools and structures.
Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking back to where I was this time last year. I was sick as a dog, and missed orientation for my MLS because of it. I was fed up with the lack of jobs for someone as educated as I was, and with my skill set, and decided I was really done with seeking a job in computational linguistics--there were no jobs to be had anymore because of the economy, and the last job I had was so geared towards the technical aspect that I had started to think of my cube at work like a sort of lonely coffin. When I first got into my MLS, I thought I was making a decision to leave my tech and linguistic skills behind career-wise; I was ready to take my background somewhere where I could help people, and understand them on a less superficial level. I still wanted to make sense of chaos and create systems to get people to there search goals faster, like I was doing with computational linguistics, but I wanted to deal with people. I thought maybe I would have some job prospects designing databases if I ever wanted the money, but really, it was about creating systems for people, and finding things for people, and understanding people.
Then, when I started into my MLS, every professor I spoke to had an incredibly affirming message for me: I wasn't the first linguist or tech junkie to take an interest in library science. Yes, my skills and background were welcome and appreciated, and yes, there were jobs with people here! Then, around March, a job opening came through the grapevine on my school email for a librarian with a background with computer skills. When I went to the interview, I found out that the interviewer was very interested in my linguistics background, because even though they were a geography discipline looking for a library tech, they were doing research in ontologies.
I thought I was getting punked--there are jobs for people with programming skills, who majored in linguistics, and who want to go in to library and information science?
But here I am today, happily plugging away at putting references into my bibliography, doing some light library duties, figuring out some interesting problems related to ADA and the web, and about to start into work on RDFs, which is the perfect intersection of linguistics, technology, and information science. What a change a year can make.
My husband is afraid I'll be in school forever; he's planning to start his own Master's this fall. People keep asking me how I'm keeping it together doing so much school and so much work every week, but the truth is that I've hit a point where I truly enjoy the things I'm doing. It doesn't feel like work to me. I haven't done laundry or chores in almost too long, and I finally got around to buying groceries for the first time in 3 weeks last night, but things are roughly holding together.
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