School and Family

I graduated with my Master's in Library Science and Information Management in December; now, I am studying to complete my MA in Linguistics.  I have an incomplete leftover from last spring when my husband was hospitalized, but I've been working with that professor for the last few months to coordinate the completion of the class.  Other than that, the last thing I have to do is the comprehensive exam, which takes place this Friday.

I've studied and prepared for it, and I am ready, but my grandmother passed on this morning from complications that arose from a stroke that happened several weeks ago.  Now, I'm not sure when the funeral will be, and I'm not sure if I am going to make the planned exam date.  I've informed the school, which has in turn advised me that if I miss the exam date, it could delay my graduation for a semester.  This is exactly the kind of thing that has me incredibly disenchanted with the world of academia lately--I tell them that I have had a death in the family and may need a 2-3 day extension before taking the exam to attend the funeral, and they see a reason to charge me another semester's worth of tuition.

Last November my husband asked me to take some time off before starting my PhD (there were several reasons that came together on this, some financial, personal, and career-related); I was disappointed that I wasn't going to start right into a PhD as planned, but ultimately, I am wondering if it's for the best.  I feel that my life has lacked balance in the last several years as I pushed to finish my degrees, and I ultimately ended up making a lot of decisions and excuses about why I was choosing school over family related functions.  Frankly, since my husband was hospitalized, I've begun to see that (for certain schools and programs, at least) it's not about providing quality education or career mentoring for the schools.  It's not about passing on knowledge or creating knowledge societies--it's about the money to the schools.  To some measure, it's also about the money for the students (why bother doing a program instead of picking interesting classes a la carte? --the degree can translate to higher pay or better career options).  But for me, a lot of it has been about the education, and I'm finally realizing that I have spent a lot of time pleasing people who really don't care that my grandmother has died.  The people who care about that are the ones I have been ditching for school, and it's time that I stopped doing that.

(Note: the main reason I wanted a PhD was to continue working where I am working now, because I love my job and the people I work with.  And those people have been wonderfully caring about my family situation, and have basically let me take off from work for as long as I need until I figure out the funeral, the comps, and the family.  I just wish I didn't have to deal with emotionally dead graduate schools to get a PhD--the quest for a great program continues.)

So, I am now quietly thanking my husband, parents, and best friend for speaking up and telling me that I needed a break from school.  I need a break, and I can admit that now.  I need balance, and when I have it, I will reconsider dealing with another helping of academic bureaucracy.  In the mean time, I am searching for a new job which does not require a PhD, focusing on family, and seeking balance.