Pictures from this week

The intersection of Summer and Winter in my backyard.  The snow has diminished since it rained last night (yay, precipitation!), but some still remains:

The sunrise on 1/23/2013, from the backyard:

The cats at their favorite window perch, watching the wildlife in the backyard.  Today there were two rabbits, three squirrels, a dove, a handful of robins, and a flock of finches and sparrows:

Gretal, watching a squirrel pick up the leftovers under the bird feeder:

Count, searching the bushes for potential prey:

Ice on the Morning of the Coffee Tasting

The promise to blog

Well, here I am again; a new year, and a new job.  My new job has expressly forbidden me via new hire orientation from discussing my new job in online social media, so I will not be discussing my new job here.  (NB: My new job is not Fight Club.  It's similar to my previous job, but about an hour and fifteen minutes shorter on the commute.)

However, with the change in coworkers, I have made the promise to start blogging more often to keep in touch.   Somewhere along the way, someone decided that I'm an adventurous person.  Generally, I would say this is true statement.

Admittedly, my adventures are a little less adventuresome since marriage happened.  I haven't been outside the country since...well, the deaths of Uday and Qusay Hussein in 2003, because I know I read it first in an Italian newspaper.

So, here we are.  My latest adventures...

On Saturday, my dear husband surprised me by taking me to a local coffee tasting event, which was pretty neat.  I've never been able to taste the difference in coffee, or good coffee, bad coffee, stale coffee, expensive coffee...  I'm not a huge fan of plain coffee, so I usually load it up with sugar and creamer.  Or frappacino it into submission.  However, I can now say that I can taste and identify the "subtle flavors" and "differences in body" of at least 3 different varieties.

On Sunday, we went up to Broomfield to finish fixing up some stuff at the condo, and then hung out with both sets of in-laws for a while.

On Monday, we commenced the new routine regime: going to the gym.  I'm going every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday with my husband.  I've tried to convince him that we should be able to shift the Friday workout to Saturday on Friday Movie nights, but he insists that he doesn't want to break the routine.  (So, I suppose we won't, and hopefully I can hit 20 minutes on the treadmill and still make it home in time to shower and make dinner for the movie night group.)

Note: Locker rooms are awkward.  Super, super awkward.

The End of The Year

One year ago, I was wrapping up my education at Emporia State University.  I had finished and delivered my capstone, and walked at graduation.  A lot has happened since that point.

The job I spoke of in my last post never gave me a start date--they still had intention to, but the background check took inordinately long for reasons beyond my control.  I was offered a different position in the meanwhile, and accepted it.  It's full time regular work for the State, which is a bit more stable than the contract position I had been waiting on.  The position title is "statistical analyst", but I got the impression that the work would be more oriented toward database and spreadsheet management, and the manipulation of data and information to extract and synthesize reports.  Needless to say, I am in disbelief that I found such an awesome position--digital information is kind of my thing.

(Note: when people ask you what you do with studies/degree in Computational Linguistics and/or Library Science, this is what you do with it.  You manage and analyze digital text, information, and databases.  This work is not highly specific to any one career field--just about every business or organization has information or databases and a need for someone to maintain and interpret them.)

I have to say, I was hoping to be "back by popular demand" in academia by this time, but it hasn't happened. I've been busy trying to get a stable job, and thereafter house shopping with my husband and thinking about coordinating the move.  We haven't found a house yet.

I published two books this year so far, and plan to publish one more before January.  That's something to be proud of.

Another new job

Since my last post, I have now accepted *another* new job--it's a contract position for the government, but it is regular, full time with benefits, which was a step more secure than the temporary non-benefited position I had been in.  I'm not sure when I will begin the new position due to the background check, but hopefully it will be soon.  I was hoping it would be before the end of this week, but now I'm not sure how realistic that is.

My husband started a new job in late July, but unfortunately the job is is on the other side of Denver from where we live.  His commute is horrible.  As such, we started looking for a house that was closer to his work; we found one in August, and we are having a structural engineer look at it today.  If the basement and foundation check out, we might put in an offer.

I have achieved my goal of publishing a novel, and I am set to have two more out by the end of this year.  I'm a little surprised that the book is actually selling, and not just to friends and family.  I did publish it under a pen name, so anyone reading this who wants further details will have to email me.

New Job

A quick update on my life:  I started a new job in late June, working as an evidence technician.  It's been an adjustment for me; both the work culture and the subject matter are extremely different from what I had at my last job.  I'm waiting for things to settle in before I pass judgement on if this is something I can do for an extended time.

My garden is in growing in force, and this year my husband requested that I plant more flowers than edibles.  Things have yet to bloom, but the ornamental look is different and pleasing.

I have decided to move ahead with publishing some of the books I have written; the first is due out in August, with two more to follow by the end of the year.

Finally done

Long story short, I have now graduated.  YAY!!!

Yesterday was my final day at my previous job, and I'm pretty sad to see it go.  It was a opportunity and I'm glad I took it; it's given me a taste for what government research is like.  Someday, when I go back for my PhD, I would like to return to that organization.    

The Light is in Sight

The petition has been filled out, passed around campus, signed, and returned.  I composed a petition to the Dean to send with it, and it has been signed, passed around campus, and returned to the graduate school.  According to the department administrative assistant, I am now in a "no news is good news" situation, as I am now supposed to presume I am graduating until I receive notice that I am not (at which point I would begin another round of fun fun fun signature hunting and petition writing).

In theory I would be able to log on to my online unofficial transcript to see if the classes have been transferred, but thanks to a database error that the Registrars office has no desire to fix (they have been informed of it, and I even went in to the office to prove that it was not user error), I am unable to view my online transcript.  So with no ability to check on my transcripts or status....fingers crossed, everyone!

After emailing the professor about my incomplete with no response for a solid 3 weeks, I finally sent an email stating that until I heard back from him, I was clearing my schedule to shadow his classes on campus.  (Note: I actually have a great deal of respect for this professor, and I have learned a lot in his class; I am of the belief that he's been very busy this semester and hasn't been ignoring me on purpose, but having this incomplete hanging over my head for weeks at a go without an update was starting to chafe.)  I received a response to my email within 12 hours with the new plan to complete the class.  Sounds good to me!

In other news, my job hunt hasn't gone nearly as well as hoped.  I've turned in more than a hundred applications since January, two interviews, but still no job.  It's been an incredibly trying situation, but I am trying to stay positive and remember that a lot of people are having trouble finding a job right now.  I have other projects I can focus on--a hobby business I started with friends, books I have been writing, my blogs and websites, and various home and art projects--but it's very unnerving to be without a job, knowing that a gap in employment is filling in on your resume.  I am out of my current job by the end of May.

Oh the Bureaucracy

Well, things worked such that I was able to take my comprehensive exam on the regular date a few weeks ago.  I still haven't heard back if I passed or if there will be additional requirements for my graduation.  If the department finds that my answers are lacking, they could assign an oral defense, a research paper, a retake of the exam, etc.

In a fresh turn of events, I got an email from the administrative assistant of my department.  (She is a wonderful woman, who really deserves a career title better than 'administrative assistant,' which makes her sound like the person who directs phone traffic and pushes papers all day.  She is the den mother of the department, always there, always making sure that everyone has filled out and turned in necessary paperwork, talked to the correct advisor, been given the right information, and knows about the latest administrative changes.  In short, the department would not exist without her because nothing would get done--she is the glue that prevents professors and students alike from losing everything from their keys to their heads.)

A few weeks ago, she forwarded an email to me asking 'if I had been informed of this situation.'  I read on to an email that had been sent to the department stating that the graduate school had put my application for candidacy on hold because they were contesting 2 of the classes I was counting towards my MA.  I immediately emailed my advisor, cc'ing the administrative assistant.  The AA emailed me back to say that with spring break the following weak, my advisor had already cut out and gone to Hawaii.  I emailed another faculty; three days later I got another email back that the other faculty member had taken a look at my academic record with the AA and figured it out.  Two of the classes I am counting toward my graduate degree were technically taken when I was an undergrad, and I will need to file a petition to have the graduate school accept them.

So now I am writing a petition to the dean of the school politely asking that graduate level classes that I took as an advanced undergraduate be counted toward my MA.  I am also filling out the transfer request form and hunting down the necessary signatures that I need from incredibly busy and hard to reach faculty.  Telling my supervisor about this situation, he remarked that it was kind of ironic that I was seemingly getting punished for being an overachiever, because the reason I counted undergraduate work toward my degree was that I took graduate classes as an undergraduate and passed them beautifully.  Because I did this, I even had to take PhD level classes while doing my MA to make up the deficit.

I'm feeling a little like the graduate school is behaving like an insurance company by denying my claim to see if I can file the necessary paperwork in time.  If I can't, the school could--in theory--milk me for another $2,500+ worth of tuition for next semester.  And I thought the comprehensive exam was going to be the end of the technicalities.

In other news, I am still pushing forward trying to complete my NLP class, but the professor has yet to assign the work I need to do.  We decided that I would complete homeworks 3 and 4 of this semester and the final exam, but he hasn't posted them yet (he knows I'm on a deadline, so I'm not sure what's up with this).

Why I smile

Yesterday a friend remarked to me that I get a silly smile on my face every time she says the word "homework." She's not talking about my homework, but that belonging to herself and my husband.

There's something about getting an academic degree that few people realize when signing up for one.  When you sign up for 2-6 years of college education, everyone will tell you that you're doing something great, but secretly believe that you're crazy.  You'll get the look every time you strike into a conversation with an anecdote starting with "the other day in class we were talking about..." or turn down a social function because you need to do homework.  The same goes for any time you talk about worrying over a term project, final exam, or having to post to a discussion board.

The truth is that even with people looking at you like you've made the choice to eat liver over ice cream by putting yourself into academic slavery for a few years, you'll know you've made the right choice for yourself.  You'll know because you can see that when you have your degree, despite the fact that you'll be exhausted, you'll be standing atop a mountain with a view that's unbelievable.  You know about the view on faith because you have a goal, and the degree is your ticket to achieving that goal.

I used to get the "you're an academia nut" look from my friend and husband.  Now, as I am completing my MA, My husband has enrolled in his own Master's program, having realized that it will be a great move for his career.  My friend is looking into a degree from a fine arts school that will allow her to take her talents to a professional career level, and has started taking classes already in subjects that interest her.  They talk about homework with all the seriousness that I used to.

My friend accused me of having some sort of sick enjoyment out of seeing her suffer the way I used to, but that isn't why I smile every time she says "homework."  After years of suffering the look, I'm glad to know I'm not the only person who sees the goal and imagines the view.  It's good to know that I'm not the only one crazy enough to sign up on faith, or who takes homework so seriously that I'm willing to endure the look.

As I write this, my husband is still sitting on the couch, diligently typing up an assignment, still in his pajamas because he hasn't taken a break since starting earlier this morning.  A while ago he asked if I could make him lunch because he couldn't break his train of thought.  It's good to see that level of hope, passion, and devotion in the people I care about, and that is the reason I smile.

School and Family

I graduated with my Master's in Library Science and Information Management in December; now, I am studying to complete my MA in Linguistics.  I have an incomplete leftover from last spring when my husband was hospitalized, but I've been working with that professor for the last few months to coordinate the completion of the class.  Other than that, the last thing I have to do is the comprehensive exam, which takes place this Friday.

I've studied and prepared for it, and I am ready, but my grandmother passed on this morning from complications that arose from a stroke that happened several weeks ago.  Now, I'm not sure when the funeral will be, and I'm not sure if I am going to make the planned exam date.  I've informed the school, which has in turn advised me that if I miss the exam date, it could delay my graduation for a semester.  This is exactly the kind of thing that has me incredibly disenchanted with the world of academia lately--I tell them that I have had a death in the family and may need a 2-3 day extension before taking the exam to attend the funeral, and they see a reason to charge me another semester's worth of tuition.

Last November my husband asked me to take some time off before starting my PhD (there were several reasons that came together on this, some financial, personal, and career-related); I was disappointed that I wasn't going to start right into a PhD as planned, but ultimately, I am wondering if it's for the best.  I feel that my life has lacked balance in the last several years as I pushed to finish my degrees, and I ultimately ended up making a lot of decisions and excuses about why I was choosing school over family related functions.  Frankly, since my husband was hospitalized, I've begun to see that (for certain schools and programs, at least) it's not about providing quality education or career mentoring for the schools.  It's not about passing on knowledge or creating knowledge societies--it's about the money to the schools.  To some measure, it's also about the money for the students (why bother doing a program instead of picking interesting classes a la carte? --the degree can translate to higher pay or better career options).  But for me, a lot of it has been about the education, and I'm finally realizing that I have spent a lot of time pleasing people who really don't care that my grandmother has died.  The people who care about that are the ones I have been ditching for school, and it's time that I stopped doing that.

(Note: the main reason I wanted a PhD was to continue working where I am working now, because I love my job and the people I work with.  And those people have been wonderfully caring about my family situation, and have basically let me take off from work for as long as I need until I figure out the funeral, the comps, and the family.  I just wish I didn't have to deal with emotionally dead graduate schools to get a PhD--the quest for a great program continues.)

So, I am now quietly thanking my husband, parents, and best friend for speaking up and telling me that I needed a break from school.  I need a break, and I can admit that now.  I need balance, and when I have it, I will reconsider dealing with another helping of academic bureaucracy.  In the mean time, I am searching for a new job which does not require a PhD, focusing on family, and seeking balance.

Chasing Down Capstone

Today I sat down to do some serious contemplation on my capstone.  I've been coasting with the class thus far, taking on various other projects in my life (getting together a publication for work, planning for a presentation at CAL in October, having a tankless hot water heater installed in my house, figuring out travel arrangements for the one class I'm taking in Emporia this semester, startup for a small business I opened with two friends, completing and submitting my PhD application...).

My incomplete from spring semester (for NLP, related to the certificate in human language technology related to my Linguistics MA).

I'm feeling like I have Capstone in the bag, because I've planned for this all along.  I've posted on this blog more than 50 times over the last two years, mostly related to this program.  I've saved every assignment, and written down my thoughts, and I'm surprised to find that I'm still having trouble finding a place to house my accomplishments in a way that I feel completes my mission in this program.  I want my portfolio to have a minimalist feel while still showcasing my array of accomplishments.  I'm also a little confused as to the direction that my portfolio should take, because many students seem to be orienting the work as a resume to promote themselves for employment.  I'm already happily employed, so I'm using mine as a celebration of the past two years (and possibly a site that I could manipulate to fit future resume need).  I'm guessing this will mean I should relate my works in the program to my job and future ambitions, but every time I think about my future ambitions, I get side tracked by the fact that my future career plans could alter drastically if I'm not accepted to the PhD program I have applied to.  The way this works is as follows: I need to keep my student status to keep my job.  I need the flexibility and financial support my current job provides to complete a PhD.  Not getting into a PhD program means I lose my student status, my job, and the future opportunity to remain in school--onward to Plan B, which is to keep moving forward in the information professions.

Needless to say, orienting my portfolio to my  future has given me pause lately, and has caused me to lose some sleep.

Life Goes On

Classes this semester went very well!

I got A's and A-'s for all 4 classes (digital collections, metadata, government resources, and project management).  In 3 out of 4 classes, I came away especially pleased with an element of the class.

The project management class was the one that never really clicked for me; I understand the theory of project management and the reason that a structured approach is necessary, but I guess I don't understand the reason for a universal form that all project plans must take.  Every industry and situation will demand different considerations, so doesn't it make sense that individual project plans will also be tailored to these unique needs?

In my government resources class, I wrote my final paper on the topic of government response and efforts to keep up with emergent web technologies.  In the very near future, I plan to be researching the way that my research group at work can use emergent web technologies to their benefit, so this was an interesting start.

In my metadata class, I feel like I breezed through.  I ended up having several discussions with classmates who were struggling with an assignment on XSLT; I have never actually used XSLT before, but it was very easy to pick up because I have designed my own CSS for various web projects and I do a decent amount of hobbyist programming.  I was a little surprised that the class put so much emphasis on XSLT, because I think that trend was (mostly) in and out in the '90s, but I guess the principles for application remain.  The one hitch had to do with an assignment on a crosswalk between Qualified Dublin Core (a metadata standard I know nothing about) and XML (which I am decently competent with).  Students who I had helped understand XSLT helped me understand Qualified Dublin Core, for which I was very grateful.

In my digital collections class, I was involved in a group project which I am especially proud of: Artistic Reflections on Deepwater Horizon.  We made a digital collection of artist responses to the Deepwater Horizon BP oil spill in the Gulf.  I did the lion's share of the technical stuff, which sent me back to Linux (the software we used, Omeka, on runs on *nix-like OS).  There were some very interesting problems encountered during the implementation, and I had to create some interesting and innovative technical workarounds.  I also stepped outside my box by contacting some artists to ask permission to use their works on our site, and did a small part of the metadata.  The artists were all very pleased to have their works involved, which was incredibly rewarding.  I am currently trying to find new hosting for the site, and get a better domain name, to keep it running.

This fall I will be tackling a (personal record) 5 classes as I make the final sprint to the finish line on my MA and my MLS.  For the MLS, I am taking Global Information Infrastructure, Web Design, Intro to Information Architecture, and Capstone.  For my MA, I am taking User Centered Design.  After these classes, I am done with my MLS, and I will only have to complete the comprehensive exam in the spring to complete my MA.

During this time, I am also trying to wrap up my incomplete in NLP and get my application for PhD together.

Classes old, classes new

We've started a new semester, but the last one won't let go.

I ended up taking an incomplete in NLP after the realization that I just wasn't going to finish some homework assignments on time.  I actually showed up and took the final for that class after finding out that I had received A's on the two previous finals, but decided to take it a second time after an offer from the professor.  I didn't get to read the final chapter of the text for the class because my husbands health had taken another twist.

After he went off the prednisone in late April, he developed stomach ulcers, and then started to break out with severe acne on his face.  His gastroenterologist wasn't able to get him in for several weeks to confirm the stomach ulcers, leading to us worrying for that time that it could be something much more sinister (thanks again, Doc).  His dermatologist is currently trying to figure out what, if anything, can be done for the acne--antibiotics are assumed out because my husband is still immunosuppressed, and peels or other chemicals could just do more damage by exposing more delicate skin that isn't protected by an immune system.  For the time being, my husband has been put back on the pred to control the swelling, and has had to start percocet just to sleep through the pain from the acne and ulcers.  There were quite a few sleepless nights when he was getting back up with nausea, and he has now reverted to having night terrors some nights--he hasn't had this problem since he was ten.  It's a very frightening experience for your spouse to wake up in the middle of the night, suddenly babbling nonsense and screaming your name.

So, for NLP I still need to retake the final and turn in some homeworks.  I made and A- in my MLS management class, and an A in database design.

My professor for database design actually paid me a huge compliment by asking to keep my database case study analysis paper as an example for the summer class.  She commented that it was one of the best papers she had encountered for that particular assignment because I had made a connection between a discussion in 801 about the Patriot Act and how it directly affected the design of library databases (some libraries have deliberately removed the ability of their databases to store patron records, thereby permanently preserving patrons' privacy for better or worse).  This compliment was huge for me, because it solidified my belief that I am very good at understanding and developing databases.  I felt like I breezed through the curriculum for that class, but I know that some classmates struggled; I'm feeling very secure in my belief that I am meant to build these systems better than they are now.

Starting the new semester, I'm taking classes this summer on digital collections, government documents, metadata, and project management.  Most of the classes are looking pretty good--I'm just hoping I can keep up with 4 different discussion boards.

Emotionally, I guess I'm feeling a little broken lately.  I can keep going with things, but I feel worn down, like I've burst my seems from swallowing so much stress, and I can't hold anything else now because it all just runs out of me.  When I got in for my physical this year (usually I do them in January, but this year not until May for having to take care of my husband), my doctor told me that my blood pressure is high.  I'm fighting the good fight to get my weight back in line and my blood pressure down, and even though I feel numb on the inside, I know that everything I have worked so hard for up to this point is very important to me.  Even if I don't feel it now, I know I will once things have recovered.

Surviving

The Remicade, so far, has worked.  He's now set up to be on treatment for the next year, and will be without his immune system response until they ween him off.  Between the prednisone and Remicade, he's now gained a lot of weight back that he lost (and then some).

I'm experiencing the war of the brain hemispheres as part of me thinks this treatment is really scientifically interesting and miraculous, and the other half is scared to death that any small knick or cut could become infected and kill him.  My relationships with family and friends are in flux right now, as some people seem to think this terrifying incident should have scared me into having a baby and "getting my priorities in order."

No baby--not for many years, anyways (I apologize to anyone who thinks my priorities are wrong on this one, but hey, it's my life).  I am getting my priorities in order.  Through all of this, I found myself coming back to my research passions; I want a PhD so I can do research for a living.  I want to make systems better for other people who want to do research, and I want to make computers easier for humans to understand and use, because they are an amazing resource when properly utilized.  I want to do research in semantic web and user-centered design.  And I want to spend more time with my husband--we're going to go on more vacations now.  I'm going out of town on business with him in a few weeks, and we'll spend the weekend together; we have plans to go camping at the sand dunes, and we want to plan a trip to Japan soon (this is huge, because I have mourned my loss of international travel since marrying a man scared to go to Canada).  We're talking about going to the Grand Canyon, which is a place neither of us has ever been.

I had a midterm in NLP today.  I think I did okay, but I'm not 100% sure.  The professor asked me about my husband after class, which was nice; all of my professor have been very understanding this semester.  I feel like I'm pulling myself out of quicksand with everything I've fallen behind on, but I'm finally making deadlines again.  What a semester for this to happen in, when I decide that I'm going to try for a PhD and trying to make good impressions and network with other researchers.

I'm told my group took a dive with our group project in 805; I've had a rainbow of reactions to this, ranging from apathy to outrage.  I got a little rattled when one of my group members took issue with the grade; I have a friendship spanning the whole programming with this group member because we've survived some bad group projects together.  So when I found out (from my friend) that the grade on the assignment was low, I took her side.  Then I read the comments we had received, and asked around with a few classmates, and reflected for a couple of days on the fact that I barely remember the assignment and presentation because I was living in hospitals and doctors offices for most of February.  I otherwise trust my professor, so I was willing to admit that the professor's judgment was probably clearer than mine, and that the project could have been better.  I'm not proud of the grade, but I do believe it's fair; I was unable to put in 100% this semester and it showed, and I feel guilty for it.

I will do better.  I want to learn, and I feel somewhat despondent that I failed in my responsibilities as a student this semester.  I am determined to follow up on this assignment after the semester ends, because I do want to learn.

The whole situation has been a little weird for me because I feel intensely loyal to my friend and group mate, but I've hit an awkward part of my education where I feel like I identify more with my professors than with my fellow students.  I've taken classes for my Linguistics program where the class is taught by a friend or fellow student, and I guess I've come to put a lot of trust into my professors and the academic system as a fair and unbiased entity--you leave your personal relationships at the door when you enter a student/teacher frame in a classroom.  Criticism is meant to be constructive, not personal.  I kind of feel for professors I take classes from where it's their first time teaching at a new school, a new curriculum, or any first, because students sometimes don't seem to grasp that teachers are mortals, too.  They have families and lives, and they want to be good at what they do just like anyone else.

I'm hoping I make it out of this semester with my GPA intact.  I'm decently certain this won't be an issue with my MLS classes, but NLP is a class that would have been challenging on a good semester.  I haven't had any of my grades back yet, so I'm not sure how I'm doing.  I am making an appointment to meet with the professor, and hoping I haven't done too badly in his class so far--I would like to work with him in the future, because he's kind of a big name in the field.  There's a lot I could learn from him if he's willing to mentor me through my PhD.

Life in the Handbasket

This semester started with a bad feeling; I wanted to take the copyright class through my MLS program, but as it turned out, the expectations for that class were very high and I decided it might not be wise to pursue both that class and my Natural Language Processing class for my MA at the same time.

It's kind of a bummer because I'm finding the copyright class could have done me some good at work over the last few months, but a good call none the less because this semester has gone to hell in a handbasket.

One of the reasons I decided not to push my luck this semester was because my husband was showing signs at the end of December that he was having problems with a chronic autoimmune disorder he has battled in the past.  He has ulcerative colitis, a condition where his body attacks his colon; his last problem with this disorder was when we were seniors in high school in 2003.  That time, it got so bad that his digestive system shut down completely and he lost a third of his body weight, finally getting down to around 100 pounds at 6' 2" tall.

I don't mind saying here that when we were teenagers and this happened, I was terrified.  I honestly thought he was going to die before graduating, because he had lost so much weight and was so severely ill.  They had to put him on prednisone (a corticosteroid), and they were talking about having to remove his colon entirely.  The prednisone kicked in just as major abdominal surgery was put on the table, but I have never forgotten the way he looked when he was that sick.  He looked like he had just walked out of a Nazi death camp picture in my history book from school.  My husband did recover, but that fear is still very much alive in me.

So when he started having problems in January, he went into his doctor.  They started treatment, but everything eventually failed, and at under 130 pounds, with severe dehydration, diarrhea, nausea, bleeding ulcers in his digestive tract, and stomach pain, he was admitted to the hospital on February 19.  This time, they had started the prednisone early hoping to head the disorder off by suppressing his immune system, but it failed.  He was admitted because the prednisone wasn't working.  On February 20, they determined the reason the prednisone wasn't working was because a bacterial infection, C. Diff, had moved in on him in his weakened state, and they started him on vancomycin and put him in hospital quarantine, and kept him until the 21st to be sure his dehydration and weight improved.

One weak later, on the 28th, we had to come back in because he lost 15 pounds in one week to under 120 pounds.  He had all the symptoms as before, and some of them worse than the first time into the hospital.  Yesterday they determined that he had managed to get rid of the C. Diff infection, but the colitis has gotten much worse.  They are putting him on Remicade, which is another immunosupressant, to stop his body from attacking itself.  This one will essentially strip him of his ability to protect himself, because his immune response will be completely disarmed.

If he gets any kind of infection while on this medication, it could kill him.

Where is school in this mess right now?  I really don't care, and I really don't mind saying that I don't care.  My NLP class records the lectures, and the professor has given me permission to not attend the physical lectures for that reason.  I asked permission to skip discussion board posting for my management class (805) for my MLS and redo them later; I haven't really felt like the postings have accomplished much for me this semester other than being busywork, so they were one of the first things I cut.  I informed my database class instructor of the situation, but so far my work for that class has been unaffected as it is very reasonable.

I feel immensely guilty for my group project members in 805; though they have assured me I'm doing a fine job as a group member, I feel like I haven't been with them as much as I should have mentally.  I feel a similar obligation to my colleagues at work, and while they have also been very accommodating, I am now missing deadlines I had promised to keep prior.  I feel guilty for taking time away from my husband every time I have to go to work and school, because he is on a serious course of treatment now and we're both a little terrified that he could still end up emaciated, sick as a dog, and having to go in to major abdominal surgery in such a state.

This semester sucks.  And what really sucks is that beyond not wanting to disappoint the great people I work and school with, my job is a student position--I have to keep my grades up, or I lose my job and risk probation or rejection at school.  Truth be told, I am really liking work right now, and I take some solace in being able to get in my zone with my EndNote and ontology projects because they are something I can control in my life right now; they're real research, making a real difference, while I'm feeling frustrated putting so much effort into the management class for my MLS, which I just really don't feel that passionate about.  It feels very driven towards a traditional library setting, which isn't my goal (right now at least--I suppose it could be in the future).  What I am passionate about is my job, and then I feel super guilty for looking forward to the mental escape that work provides, because while I'm there and recharging, my husband is still in the hospital having to get morphine injections to deal with his stomach pain.

All I can ask at this point is that I pass this semester; I'm hardly putting in the effort to stay afloat right now, and I will be happy, even if I only get okay grades.  All I want is for my husband to get better and come home.  We just got our first letter from our insurance company claiming that they do not believe his first 3 day hospital stay was a medical necessity, so they are only going to pay for 1 day (unless we appeal the decision, which we will do, because it's utter crap to say it wasn't medically necessary).

But I am hanging on, and doing what I can, and that's all I can do at this point.

This too shall pass.

Start of the new semester

This week marked the official beginning of the 2010 spring semester.

For my MA in Linguistics, I'm taking a class in Natural Language Processing this semester.  I've wanted  to take this class since I was an undergrad, but always hit administrative red tape trying to take it in the past (i.e., needed a prerequisite, needed to be a Comp Sci major to receive first consideration, needed to be a graduate student...).  Now I'm finally in, and I think I'm going to rock this class.  I've been ready for years.

For the MA, I'm officially only one class and the comprehensive exam away from completion, but I might stick it out for a couple more classes to get a certificate in Human Language Technology.  Why not?

For my MLS, I've got three classes lined up: one that looks at Copyright, one that looks at Database Solutions, and the required theory class on Organization Theories for Administering Information Agencies.  I'm halfway done with this degree, and officially have the money saved to pay for the rest of the program (go me!).  


I'm anxiously debating a big decision in my life; I'm considering going for the PhD.  Normally I never would have done a PhD for 2 reasons: the first is that there are excruciatingly few jobs out there that provide the flexibility to have a job and go to school even part-time, and the second is tuition.  Even though I have definite research goals and interests, I never thought I would have the time or money to pursue anything after my Master's degrees.  However, an opportunity has opened up at my work where they have said they may be able to provide me both the flexibility and tuition reimbursement--it's not a sure thing, but if the offer is open when I get there, how could I pass up that opportunity?


The work is fantastic.  I'm doing work with websites, managing library materials between the office and the library, creating a comprehensive bibliography, and I'm about to start work on an project creating triples for Resource Description Frameworks.  For my library buddies who don't know what those are (it's okay--I have now explained this to my husband, parents, and siblings, all of whom I'm pretty sure think it's cool even if they don't get the total awesomeness of the possibilities), RDF is a sort of metadata model.  It establishes relationships between words to create statements that a computer can understand.  It's about subject-predicate-object relationships, like "A bridge (subject) crosses over (predicate) a river (object)."  It's easy for humans to understand these sorts of concepts, like the inherent idea that bridges cross over things, but the framework allows the computer to understand.  This kind of structure is very relevant to the up and coming semantic web, among other information organization tools and structures.  


Lately I've spent a lot of time thinking back to where I was this time last year.  I was sick as a dog, and missed orientation for my MLS because of it.  I was fed up with the lack of jobs for someone as educated as I was, and with my skill set, and decided I was really done with seeking a job in computational linguistics--there were no jobs to be had anymore because of the economy, and the last job I had was so geared towards the technical aspect that I had started to think of my cube at work like a sort of lonely coffin.  When I first got into my MLS, I thought I was making a decision to leave my tech and linguistic skills behind career-wise; I was ready to take my background somewhere where I could help people, and understand them on a less superficial level.  I still wanted to make sense of chaos and create systems to get people to there search goals faster, like I was doing with computational linguistics, but I wanted to deal with people.  I thought maybe I would have some job prospects designing databases if I ever wanted the money, but really, it was about creating systems for people, and finding things for people, and understanding people.  


Then, when I started into my MLS, every professor I spoke to had an incredibly affirming message for me: I wasn't the first linguist or tech junkie to take an interest in library science.  Yes, my skills and background were welcome and appreciated, and yes, there were jobs with people here!  Then, around March, a job opening came through the grapevine on my school email for a librarian with a background with computer skills.  When I went to the interview, I found out that the interviewer was very interested in my linguistics background, because even though they were a geography discipline looking for a library tech, they were doing research in ontologies.  


I thought I was getting punked--there are jobs for people with programming skills, who majored in linguistics, and who want to go in to library and information science?


But here I am today, happily plugging away at putting references into my bibliography, doing some light library duties, figuring out some interesting problems related to ADA and the web, and about to start into work on RDFs, which is the perfect intersection of linguistics, technology, and information science.  What a change a year can make.


My husband is afraid I'll be in school forever; he's planning to start his own Master's this fall.  People keep asking me how I'm keeping it together doing so much school and so much work every week, but the truth is that I've hit a point where I truly enjoy the things I'm doing.  It doesn't feel like work to me.  I haven't done laundry or chores in almost too long, and I finally got around to buying groceries for the first time in 3 weeks last night, but things are roughly holding together.  

Crash Blossoms and the Garden Path

I found the following article on MSN today; we love to talk about ambiguity and the garden path in my linguistics classes, so I thought I would link it here:

Confusion Caused by Crash Blossoms

Over helping: the Wal-Mart experience

Since starting to investigate the ways that people conduct reference interviews and fill information needs, I've become a little hyper-sensitive to the ways that businesses conduct themselves when interviewing/helping clients.

One such experience involves every time I walk into a Wal-Mart. Every single employee will ask "Can I help you find something? Are you finding everything okay" This is a good thing--but generally after the 5th or 6th time I get asked, it's getting pretty old. I've noticed that some employees will not even stop what they are doing while voicing this offer. They will continue walking right on by you, or stocking, or whatever they happen to be doing. Has anyone else noticed this trend? --It almost seems to me that they know you've been asked a handful of times, and expect the "No, I'm fine, just looking" response.

After mulling this over for a while, I have to wonder what the science and statistics of this scenario are for large corporations. They have to know that the bulk of their employees are paid too little and generally don't stay long enough to warrant a level of training that would make for high-quality interviews every time; in the same breath, libraries seem to handle this just fine, and the pay isn't always great (and is sometimes non-existent). They unmeaningful "can i help you" gets on my nerves after five mumbles in a 10 minute period; I find myself avoiding the large chains because the insincere question drives me mad. After reading about the science that goes into grocery stores in 804, these places must have a motive to make every employee ask, no matter how little actual intention may be behind it.

Does an insincere, unenthusiastic offer of help really help sales? Or does it drive customers (like me) away?

I've had discussions with others in this class about how the reference interview seems so over-done in the literature we read because it seems so intuitive: ask, listen, clarify and confirm, research, dialog, repeat if necessary. But I'm starting to wonder if it isn't as intuitive as I have previously assumed. Of course one needs to stop and make eye contact during an interview, right? I've received a whole new appreciation for the researchers that went after this one after starting to pay attention to some of the interviews that happen in my life on a daily basis. I would love to see more literature, even, on the interview and approachability.

For example, what makes an interviewee want to voice their problem when asked? Is a librarian's approachability created in part by the reputation of the profession? If so, why have other service professions (i.e. sales reps) failed to develop this reputation to such an extent?

Just had to share this...

Fellow librarians (and some of my linguistics buddies as well will be amused),

A friend sent this to my email, and I had to share:

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/10/15/radical-militant-lib.html

How cool is that?